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This message Lair Legion: The New Underground #0: HiberNation was posted by Fin Fang Foom on Friday, December 6, 2002 at 17:13.
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I step off the train
And I’m walking down your street again
And past your door
But you don’t live there anymore
It’s years since you’ve been there
But now you’ve disappeared someplace
Like outer space
You’ve found some better place
And I miss you…like the deserts miss the rain…
--“Missing”, Everything But The Girl
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“Mr. President? We have a situation.”
A wedge of light rotated into the dark bedroom, like shadow on a sundial. Even before The President had fully woken up, he knew this was going to be bad. Since the door was now cracked open, he could hear familiar voices in the hall--Colin, John, Donald. He thought he heard a few of the joint chiefs, too. They were speaking in that hushed, frantic tone that accompanies emergencies.
A reading lamp was flicked on, and it only illuminated the top corner of the bed. Maroon covers, flannel underneath. A picture of the girls was on the bedstand, with a Tom Clancy novel next to it. The President was alone--the First Lady was in Texas, visiting family.
He swung his legs out from under the covers, and sat on the side of the bed. The Secret Service agent who’d woken him up was now saying “He’s awake.”
A silhouette of a man squeezed through the empty space between the door and its frame. He then hesitated, apparently not sure if he should be going in there--someone decided for him, by giving him a good push.
The agent left the room, as the man stumbled into the room. When the man spoke, The President recognized his voice…one of his advisors. Some dark-haired guy. Jeffrey? Jack? The one that was dating the redhead secretary.
“Um…Mr. President…”
“Did we get him?”
“What? Uh, no, this is something else.”
The energy drained from his voice. “Dammit. Okay.”
“Two things, actually. First, NASA has confirmed that…well…”
“What?”
The man took a deep breath. “Remember how there used to be just nine planets?”
The President paused, giving his best you’ve-got-to-be-kidding-me look. But in the darkness, it was pretty much useless.
The advisor was reading off a clipboard, counting off dry facts. “NASA has confirmed a tenth planet. It just showed up a few minutes ago. We’re pretty sure it’s artificial. SPUD’s deep-space unit is--”
“Hang on, what’s the other thing?”
“It’s--well, um, it isn’t as big a deal. Archeologists in Greece dug up some ancient prophecy. I guess it was on a--what do they call it? A parchment.”
“Oh.”
The advisor suddenly sounded embarrassed; ashamed to be bothering The President with such a minor thing. He rushed to justify himself. “The only reason I’m telling you is, is because Colin said it has something to do with that protocol you set up, with the Lair Legion and the UN. Contingency Omega.”
The President groaned. “Oh, crap. Oh no. Wait, are you sure about that? Colin said it? You actually heard him say it?”
“Yeah. Um, yes sir.”
“Dammit, get him in here. Get--” The President fell silent.
“…Mr. President?”
In the darkness, The President’s eyes glowed in a tint of radiant purple. He began speaking, but it wasn’t to anyone in the room. “What? What’s--oh. Yes, they just told--no, I understand completely. No, we’re ready. Really. I’m in the war room right now.”
The advisor mumbled quietly. He was tempted to call in the secret service, but he didn’t want to get in trouble. This could be a scandal in the making--he had to be delicate.
“Agreed. Yes, I have that authority. The UN sanctioned it. You want it offically? Fine…by the power vested in me, by the people of America, and the delegates of the United Nations, I give you permission to enact the Omega Contingency. Do it. I pray to God that it’s en--”
Something invisible happened. Moments passed. The advisor wasn’t sure what to do. “Mr. President…are you okay?”
“Of course I’m okay. What are you doing in here?”
The advisor honestly wasn’t sure. “I came in here to…to tell you…” He looked down at the clipboard. It contained statistics on national parks. “Um…my apologies. Mr. President.”
The President blinked. He didn’t remember turning on the lamp, or sitting up. He laughed. “We must be tired…can’t even remember what we were talking about. Whatever it was, let’s finish it up tomorrow. You earned a rest. Go home to, uh, to Sara. Let us old folks worry about this serious stuff.”
“Yes, sir.”
The advisor closed the door behind him, shaking his head. Talk about spacing out. Wait…something about space? That thought, and his clipboard, seemed to be connected. But, no. Déjà vu or something. There were times that he thought this job was making him crazy.
The hall outside the bedroom was empty and dark. Of course it was. Why would anyone be there? He thought about what The President had said. At this time of night, Sara would be asleep. He’d go back to his own place--he didn’t want to wake her up. It was late…too late. Too late for anything.
Lair Legion: The New Underground #0
Empty Inside And Out
It was always raining in Parodiopolis. It made an encompassing sound, like a furnace--kicking in all around you. The falling water caused human activity to scatter, leaving the sidewalks empty. Tightly-shut cars roared through the downpour, anxious to get away from the elements. Fall had come far too quickly…it was like everything had died overnight. And in a blocky, chocolate-bricked apartment building, someone was wondering why.
Julie Smithton was sitting in her new apartment, drinking a mocha. She’d dressed for much colder weather--a violet sweater and black slacks, which went well with her long, straight brown hair. She had deep-set brown eyes, which made her look perpetually ill. Her head was always slightly bowed. At the moment, she was dividing her attention between the TV and the window, both of which showed a rain-filled cityscape.
Normally, she was a very neat person…but the place was a mess. Quite a few unpacked boxes had been shoved into corners, under tables, and into closets. The TV was on mute; she had it on CNN, for the morning news. It had a freezing-cold hardwood floor and blotchy white walls. It was stuffy, but she liked it like that--it kept her from getting chilled. A vanilla-scented candle was burning. The underlying theme in her furniture was price, not matching color…it was pretty piecemeal. Money was primarily needed for college, not her living room.
So, she’d collapsed into an oversized, comfy recliner, and sat huddled over her coffee, trying to stay warm. She didn’t know why she had the news on…it wasn’t like anything interesting ever happened. All they had to talk about was diplomatic missions, celebrity news, and the usual political debates. Boring. Which also described Parodiopolis, really. It was just another sleepy city. Which was strange, considering its size.
Julie had been like this for weeks…shuffling around in her socks, never bothering to get her apartment all set up. Going through coffee like there was no tomorrow and listening to the rain. She made token appearances at class, but it didn’t feel right.
She’d heard that this happened to both young people and middle-aged people: the sudden realization that life needed to be different. Julie had woken up one morning and realized that something was missing. It was weird, she used to really love her classes--she’d known that anthropology was what she wanted to do. But now…
Julie set her cup on a hand-me-down endtable, and pulled out some of her recent papers. They were all on heroes of myth, and their relation to culture. The strange thing was, she’d never liked those kinds of legends. And yet, she got A’s on her papers, for all the detail and effort found within. With grading comments like “Your enthusiasm for the subject shows”. How could she have written those?
She heard the door unlock, and Ann bounded through. Unlike Julie, she always had the latest clothes…she wore faded bluejeans, an off-white long-sleeved shirt, and a light-brown leather jacket. Blonde, of course. Always fresh-looking. She had keys tangled between her fingers.
“Hey, it’s me.” She shut the door without looking. “What’s up?”
Julie stared into her coffee. “Nothing.”
“Nothing, huh? Still moping?”
She shrugged.
Ann lightly kicked a box, as if making sure it wasn’t an illusion. “And you still haven’t unpacked.”
“I’ll do it later.”
“You’ve been saying that for the last month,” Ann stated carefully.
Flustered, Julie said “Look, if you don’t wanna share the apartment, just--”
Ann held up her hands. “Whoa, whoa. I’m not saying that. I’m just…” She dropped the defensive tone. “I’m just kinda worried.” She paused for effect. Then, as evenly and rationally as possible, she said “I know you miss him, but it’s been a month. Yeah, that’s not enough time to start dating again--but you should at least be able to be yourself again.” Ann tried to make a joke out of it. “Sitting in the same room all the time can’t be healthy, y’know?” She laughed weakly.
Julie frowned. Her voice took on an accusatory tone. “I was with him for two and a half years--a year of that living together. So don’t go acting like it isn’t a big deal, okay? I deserve some downtime.” She prepared a more extensive comeback, but it fell out from underneath her. Her momentum lost, Julie suddenly heard what she’d been saying. She growled at herself.
“Julie?”
Almost too soft to hear, she said “I’m sorry, it’s--it’s everything. I’m thinking about changing my major, and I’m not used to being alone, and it’s like everything feels different…”
“Look, that’s--that’s normal. I know how you are…you like everything to be the same. But everyone says that at our age, things change a lot. That’s just how it is.”
“I know.”
They sighed simultaneously. Ann flopped down on the sofa. “Watching TV?”
“Yeah…”
“Got any plans for today?”
Julie gave her an obvious look.
“That’s what I thought. Well, wanna go do something? How about if we go to your favorite place?”
Julie rolled her eyes. “Oh, come on…”
Ann broke into a grin. “You know you love it! You used to drag me there all the time.”
“…okay. Okay. But you have to answer a question for me.”
“So long as it isn’t about my date last night, hit it.”
Julie took her time, searching for a way to phrase it. “Do you think…do you think there’s something perfect out there? Just hiding, and maybe waiting to be found? Like, if we found it, our lives would be complete?”
For a few seconds, Ann didn’t say anything. She wasn’t a very philosophical person. “Something? You mean…someone?”
“Maybe. But it could be anything.”
Ann gaped, and her shoulders sunk, as if a huge weight had been lifted off of them. She couldn’t keep from laughing, as she replied: “What, this is what you’ve been thinking about for the last month?! I was terrified that you were depressed or desperate or something, but here you are, off searching for the great unknown!” She was busting up, laughing so hard that tears were running from her eyes. “Geez, if I’d known you were already moving on, I’d have made you clean up weeks ago!”
Julie was now laughing, as well. “I told you I’m weird!”
She took a breath, and they sat quietly for a moment, trying to get the laughter to die down.
More dignified, Julie said “But, it’s been bugging me. I feel like something should be inside me--something I’m really interested in.”
“It used to be myths, right?”
“Yeah, I guess so. I mean, I can’t believe that I used to be into that stuff. It’s like it’s a completely different person.” She shook her head. “And it’s more than just college. I know it sounds weird, but…I feel like there’s something I was really into, but I can’t think of it now. I’m not just talking about a career or a hobby or something, but more like…I don’t know.”
“You mean like a passion? Musicians have music, artists have art, and you have…?”
“I wish I knew.” Julie got up, heading for the window. “And it’s not just me. I look out there and I keep thinking that life is supposed to be… bigger, somehow. I mean, this can’t be all there is. It just can’t. Things are supposed to be better once you’re out of high school, right? So, there’s something out there for me, and there’s something out there for the world.” She sighed. “Does that sound too weird?”
“No…I see where you’re coming from. It sucks to live in a low-budget world, right? All the good stuff is made-up…aliens, action heroes, the guys in costumes. Nothing very cool here.”
“Yeah, really.”
Ann shrugged. “I guess I think there is more to life. Maybe it’s God, maybe it’s some JFK for 2002, who’ll come in and lead us all into a new golden age. Or maybe it’s a shy, tall, dark-haired guy, whose girlfriend doesn’t appreciate him, and he just needs the right girl to open him up…” Ann blinked and cleared her throat. “Um, anyway. We can talk about it some more at the tower. If we’re gonna go, we’d better get ready.”
Ann stood up, and Julie started looking around for her shoes. The more she talked with Ann, the more she understood what was going on inside her. Something special was out there--she couldn’t see it, but she could feel it…
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The usual suspects could be found on the observation floor of C-Tech’s skyscraper: wide-eyed tourists, executives who needed to stretch their legs, and senior citizens who were using the massive, round room as a walking track. It had a marble floor, and its circular wall was actually one long window. A round bank of elevators was in